brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
