so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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