We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
