Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
