I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We have started to decorate penises.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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