i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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