No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
