no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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