I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
