I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
