Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
