We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
