I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
