its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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