I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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