So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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