I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
