Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
