I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
