Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
