How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Randomize