Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize