That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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