Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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