So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
