I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize