Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
