the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
