new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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