So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
