just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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