Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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