I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
