proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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