John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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