RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
