I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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