There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
