i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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