Where is the hickey?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
