She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
