Can i not drive my cunt home
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
