I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
