He uses pillows to masturbate.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
FUCK WHALES
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