Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
