making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
