Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
