Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
