I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
