i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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