you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
