Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize