your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
