it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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