Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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