Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
third nipple confirmed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
