I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
