My Higher Power is John Stamos
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
