puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
