i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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