fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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