I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize