I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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