hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
