Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
