I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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