he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
