when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think your dad took our porno
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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