my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
