No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
