how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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