how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
