Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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