I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
