would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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