You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
