I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
