I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
