you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
