fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
