I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
