so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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