I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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