I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize