so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I did not marry a roomba.
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