I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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