It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She bit a glass in half.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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