but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
