Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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