He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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