Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
