Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
