i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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