we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
