He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
