Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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