Can i not drive my cunt home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
