ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
