I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
