I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
