The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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