guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
