took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a beard to bite.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
