I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
